so, whats up?! may peace be upon to us. almost 4 years when my last blog published. quit long isnt? hows life? a lot things hapend lately. from gadget freak, antisocial and all the social medias platform until no phone at all and deactivated all the social media. from denial of step family until i cried of losing them. from protected myself to sacrifising self to love until i realy did that and unfortunately it dont goes well. whats is this message to me realy is? im alone, sad nope it actualy in depressed level, lost hope, and almost suicide. whats is realy going on? whats did i just missed? i shud move on by now but i cant! adult is scaring me. stepping to adult age but actualy i still not reaching there yet just because im afraid to face it alone. im scared! its just weird when the younger me are too brave and just ignore all the fact that actualy will leading me to who i am now. but today im no longer that brave young girl. it feels like coward and weak and useless when im crying myself alone and hope that theres someone can calm me and hugs me.silly! adult and old is scaring me.i always blame my fate and always asking WHY ME. my negatively is killing me until my mom told me, "dont ask someone to be there for u but god. destiny, soulmates and death is in gods hand. dont end life meaningless because death is always very close to us". that point is wake me up. now, this time what im doing is i need to step one step ahead no matter how hard it will be. its hard but im sure i will get through this soon. i miss my family, my late brother and a few of good people in mylife.